Superstitious about Karma

[Mark Johnson]

I'm not really sure how to describe this so I'll just blabber out loud:

I struggle between an intellectual understanding of Karma and a superstitious emotional experience of Karma. Intellectually, I understand Karma to work broadly over the long course -- that "positive" Karma builds upon previous positive Karma and vice versa and a type of momentum is gained or loss. I understand that participating from a "good heart" you can "trust" (saddha) that most things will work out for the best despite any trip-ups along the way.

However, as much as I try not to be, I also find that I am superstitious about Karma:

1) It might be my American Puritan cultural conditioning but I find myself struggling to not personify Karma as the Cosmological Vengeance Machine. I find that I ritualize my behavior so I don't wake the Machine and I find that this superstition leads me to behave more passively in life -- a "let sleeping dogs lie/don't rock the boat" attitude towards most things.

2) I'm not sure that "my Karma" and "your Karma" are accurate descriptions but I notice that I have co-dependant streak and I work really hard at sheltering or diffusing hardships my friends and family bring on themselves and I've been able (a tiny bit) to not be the shield so much and let them deal with own Karmic consequences. However, this goes badly sometimes (see below): (Perhaps, "shield-mode" generates negative Karma of it's own.)

Something happened this weekend which prompted this post whereby I made a suggestion, one simple innocent sentence, which proved the catalyst for a horrible domestic dispute and police reports to be filed. Really the ball was balanced precariously on the edge to start with and the people involved where just looking for a way to get it rolling.

So after literally 24 hours of hellacious samsara and no sleep and another 24 hours of regret that I even opened my mouth I realized that it's these infrequent events like this (however, this one was a doozy) that paralyze me from participating in most of my life because I'm hyper-sensitive to the Karmic consequences.

I understand that actually in the long run this domestic dispute had been planted long ago and this weekend was but a single fruit on their Karmic Tree and that actually this event might lead to less suffering for all involved I just wish I wasn't the fertilizer, but Karma works in mysterious ways, right? (Sometimes I feel that I'm an agent of Karma...)

Anyway, I imagine that I'm not the only one experiencing perspective of Karma. I was just wondered if anybody has any thoughts on the matter. I guess I'm not necessarily looking for a solution but looking more for a perspective on the whole Karma thing in general.

[Phil Vinson (Soldier of Vague Misanthropy)]

Mark, you might look at Ken's chapter on karma in Wake Up to Your Life. He also discusses it in some of his podcasts. You might scroll through the podcast summaries and look for "karma" there. His take, as I understand it, is that "belief" in karma is counterproductive, and that karma itself is an evolutionary process, rather than a simple matter of cause and effect.

[Sister Logchain of the Short Path]

Did you know your simple sentence was going to trigger the event or did you only realise that when the thing exploded? As far as I can work it out, intentionality seems to be the issue, and awareness the key. As Phil Vinson suggests, and as I understand it, karma refers to the responsibility we bring to maintaining awareness. Your last-but-one paragraph suggests that you have worked this out pretty clearly by yourself, recognising the wider, 'long-term' perspective on events, with a seemly sense of personal agency, yet with a reducing sense of blame and guilt all round. A mature perspective and one from which insight, wisdom and kindness must grow.

And I know the feeling, boy do I know the feeling! I know it's not a Buddhist thing to share bit of rueful commiseration, but it's reassuring in samsara to know that some of us have regularly holidayed in Shitville, so thank you for the postcard, Mark :)

I hope things are working out OK for you and all concerned.

[Limp Budgie of Mellowness (Franca)]

Your sensitivity to your own relationship with awareness/patterns, and actions/results is impressive, and I salute you for it. Becoming aware of this horrible shit is humbling and painful, it takes great courage to do it. (I particularly love the "Cosmological Vengeance Machine", I'm definitely adopting that expression.)

Why are you "struggling not to personify Karma as the Cosmological Vengeance Machine". If you see that it is not, what is the struggle?

Why do you try to shield people from consequences?

These questions are offered for you to explore as you wish. Thanks for your awareness and for sharing it with us, I will follow this discussion with interest.

[Dorien]

Hi Mark
You have obviously gone through a very painful exxperience and I do feel for you, but I'm wondering if your ruminations about the nature of karma can really resolve anything.
We often say things or do things that can have unforseen consequences. I know this because I once made a very big mistake on impulse that eventually resulted in the death of a very close friend. I didn't cause his death directly of course, but I did feel that I had set in motion a series of events that resulted in his demise and it has not been easy to come to terms with. It is so easy to assume that other people move passively through their lives and that only you and I can make choices which will determine our own future or the future of those we come into contact with - and how arrogant is that ? I just feel that we need to trust whatever happens to us and not look for metaphysical/religious explanations.
My advice is just be kind to yourself Mark and try not to worry too much about karma.
Dorien
.

[Sister Logchain of the Short Path]

Dorien I do like what you said about just trusting what happens and not looking for explanations. It is very, very helpful, although I am likely to forget it within 24 hours, if not three minutes or less. Why can't someone design a 'chip' that can be implanted in the frontal lobes to deliver a reminder every twenty seconds or so? Limp Budgie, why don't you get to work on that, you devilishly clever thing?

[Limp Budgie of Mellowness (Franca)]

Right. Every few moments a voice in one's head will start up: "Hey! Don't worry about karma! Yeah, you! Stop worrying about karma! Cut it out!" etc. That will be the American version. Sister Logchain, any inspiration on scripting the British version?

[Sister Logchain of the Short Path]

Brilliant, Limp Budgie!

Here's a speculative attempt at a British version:

"Er, excuse me. I do hope you don't mind my saying so, but I couldn't help noticing that you seem a bit preoccupied. Forgive me if I seem to be speaking out of turn, but it did occur to me that you might be worrying about something. I hope it isn't karma, is it? Oh dear. That must be terrible. One hesitates to offer advice, and please take no notice, no notice at all, if I'm just being a silly old busy-body. I must admit I have no professional qualifications for saying this. But I must get this off my chest, so here goes. Perhaps, in your own time, and in your own way, do you think you might see your way to worrying just a teeny bit less? Just a fraction? About karma? But only if you want to, I must emphasise that. So now just forget I said anything. I didn't say it. Now, how about a nice strong cup of tea? I don't suppose I could trouble you for a couple of aspirins, I think I can feel one of my migraines coming on....."

[Cara Speckhals]

Hi Mark! I've read several of your posts and like what you have to say. Over the course of the year, the Then and Now class has been visiting Karma - and all it's delightful implications - on and off, but especially when working on the Bodhisattva vow. Like you, I have always thought of Karma more as the Great Cosmic Pay check, something like a bank account, but run by people who might not like me. Whenever I had those, "Why MEEEE?!" moments, I attributed it to Karma or luck. Living in Asia helped me to change my views on that because I got to see that "bad" choices could actually yield positive results. It was my job to be patient in the face of what I thought might be a punishment. In a strange way, living on the wrong side of a language barrier made me abundantly more willing to wait and see. Does that make sense?

Ken talks about Karma being like a tree or the acorn that started the tree and you can hear him use this analogy on the T&N podcast over and over. It's more like an evolution than a system of rewards and demerits, at least that's how I've begun to see it after a year of class. When I look at it that way, I can see the fruits of all my labors borne by branches both strong and not so.

It sounds like you had a rough couple of days. Be patient with yourself! You never know how things are going to turn out.

[Mark Johnson]

Thanks for all your replies. As I sit with this more I'm coming to realize that it's about the need for control and at an absurd level. If I do the dishes at this time, eat this type of food, take this road to work, offer to help with this, say (or don't say) this, think (or don't think) this then I will set things in motion that will keep me from metaphorically skinning my knees and stubbing my toes -- but invariably skinned knees and stubbed toes happen regardless of the efforts. My compulsion to shield others from the unsatisfactoriness of life is really an attempt to shield myself. It's all very arrogant (like Dorien said).

I think I see now that Karma as the Cosmological Vengeance Machine is a story I'm using to distract myself from the realization that I'm not ultimately in control. Which is really interesting because I never thought of myself as a control-freak. Sheesh, this story has been playing out for over 35 years -- it seems so obvious now -- but it's been a really compelling story.

I also can see now that I've been growing up around folks who are "blamers" which I think is where the personification problem was coming from. Without realizing it I have been accepting blame for things which I have never actually been responsible for.

Wow, this wheel is really hard to get off of, huh!

Thanks again for talking with me...

ps: The residual effects from this weekend continue to unfold badly for the primary participants -- my wife's sister and her ex-husband's family. As far as myself and my family -- it's over with; we essentially were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think since I was an innocent I think it was easier for them to "use" me as an excuse to re-stoke the furnances...

[Dorien]

Hello Mark
I like your honesty - I'm a stiff upper-lip Brit so it is much appreciated!.
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time can be very distressing but we are just ordinary human beings after all (Buddhist or not) and we make mistakes sometimes - but then we also love and cherish people and the things we care about too. Perhaps all we need when life goes pear-shaped is a bit of space in which to move and breathe. Hopefully you and your family will find that space in the days to come. I hope so anyway.
As far as the wheel of samsara is concerned, yes it can be hard to get off - but it's quiet at the hub I'm told!
Dorien

[Bill Gardner]

Mark,
You are right -- there is no cosmic vengeance machine -- love that phrase! If you find yourself drawn to this belief, it might help to remind yourself that this is a superstition. What I think karma means is that your present deeds will shape your future emotions and thoughts, and hence condition your future actions. So that better actions now will create the causes and conditions for a better life tomorrow. But "a better life tomorrow" means "a more loving and compassionate heart/mind", not magical thinking that "I'm going to get a better job / evade cancer / avoid a worse rebirth" etc.
cheers
Bill

[Mark Johnson]

Right, I absolutely agree. I think Ken's take on karma makes the most sense. After, posting this topic I came to a great realization about the "story" aspect behind, what I'll call, my superstitious experience of karma. It has proved to be an amazing paradigm shift for me -- but my inclination to "go to the story" has not been entirely uprooted; but that's to be expected.