Receiving Contempt

[Leslie]

As I am working through my experience of the hungry ghost, I am aware of part of me that still reacts to the contempt I sometimes experience coming from others. And instead of believing it, I am recognizing that there is nothing inherently contemptuous about me. So that part of me that still reacts is the hungry ghost and I am sitting with it and giving it the compassion it needs.

I am also giving this same compassion to the contempt radiators!

This seems simple, but it has taken many years of practice to see into it.

I am writing about it because it helps me see more clearly and maybe someone else out there has something to say about their experiences with contempt.

[fivebells]

there is nothing inherently contemptuous about me

Or even nothing inherent, period. :-)
How does perception of contempt relate to a hungry-ghost worldview?

[Leslie]

Part of my experience of the hungry ghost is a sense of self-deficiency. It is experienced in my body as a contracted hardness. When I experience warmth and openness, this softens. When I experience a lack of presence(ignorance), I feel slightly more uncomfortable. When I experience contempt(strong aversion), it lights up all over my body and I experience widespread physical discomfort.

Recently, when I experience contempt, instead of adding reactivity to it, I let it wake me up to the presence of the hungry ghost in my mind and body, and then I use one of the practices to increase my capacity for resting with those sensations. Basically, when I experience those sensations, I no longer believe that "I am deficient". I recognize that "IT" is picking something up. If "IT" was not in me, contempt would just pass through- no resonance would occur.

I still evaluate whether there is something I have done that may be disturbing to others. Of course, I can still act from a lack of awareness and not do what is needed. However, I now know that contempt is never necessary and certainly is not a helpful way to improve relationships and address changes that may need to be made. This empowers me to know that contempt is the other person's emotional issue, and even if my behavior may need to change to improve the relationship, I don't accept the contempt as a valid way to relate. In the past, I may have tried to placate the other person or gotten into trying to fix the situation, or analyze our interaction, or gotten mad and hurt(my own emotional reaction). Now, I know to take care of myself emotionally, evaluate my own behavior, make changes myself and wait for the contempt to pass.

[Leslie]

Thanks for the support Patricia. In me choosing to stay clear of the contempt, a lot has shifted in our relationship in the last few days and we are moving into new territory!

[fivebells]

I always find, by the time I'm ready to make a post of this sort, that within a few days the issue has sorted itself out. :-)

[Leslie]

I agree. And I think the process of writing about it likely influences the outcome. The extra amount of "attention" raises our level of awareness and faciitates transformation. Also, we make the ocean of awareness larger by sharing and then the reactivity gets diluted.

[fivebells]

Thanks, you're very kind.